Thougths on Motherhood

I've been meaning to write about Mother's Day. This one was my first. It was a long time coming my becoming a mother. I've had the mothering instinct and the mothering inclination. I've marveled at the beauty of other peoples children, worked as a nanny a few times and saw many friends start families wondering what it would be like for me and would I ever have the chance. I've looked into those little baby eyes wondering what it would be like when I'm the one they rely on and trust, the voice they know better than any other, the receiver of the first and brightest smile. Now my time to be a mother is here and what is really important becomes even more clear.

I know to savor every day. I don't have to be reminded. I have a whole dimension to myself that prior to this I did not know. Something I read described it as " you are more receptive to joy, to sorrow, to piercing love and to the hundreds of inevitable losses that come with a child growing up. After all, which is more poignant, her first tooth in or her first tooth out?"

I was thinking today that Ella and Aidan don't have teeth yet but they soon will and I want to keep these impressions of their little toothless grins and giggles in my mind because soon enough they'll change and have teeth forever. It's sort of an odd thought. Sometimes I mourn the little changes. For example, we decided it was time to put away the little co-sleeper bassinet that has been at the foot of our bed since they were born. We knew we could put it away by the time they were four months but we had to build up to letting it go.

My turn has come and I am so in love! I never want it to end. They said you can't describe what it's like to have children, you just have to have them and then you'll know. It is the sweetest sense of responsibility. Some of the greatest joy. One of the best things that has ever happened to me. Mother's day is richer in meaning now than it ever was.